Random Thoughts

If you haven't read my blog in a while, don't forget to read the post below this one!

Today I was thinking about how everything will work when we get home.  I was telling myself that it will all work out in the end, even though I have no idea what or how everything is going to happen.  I know I will be going to school, but when, where, and how will Spencer work??  When the new baby comes, how will I get everything done?  I am trying to prepare myself for the early mornings by trying to stay awake the first time I wake up in the mornings.  Two days down!

At stake conference one of the speakers said "If you live like no one wants to for 10 years, then you will be able to live like no one else can afford for the rest of your life."  Something like that.  Basically, he was saying that sacrifice is important to keep you out of debt, and to keep you from financial ruin.  He also said, "Those who understand interest, earn it; those who don't, pay it." Good words to remember.  Spencer and I dream of getting the latest 27" IMac, but in reality we cannot afford it.  Those are the most important words for us right now, "we can't afford it."  I am glad that we are able to move home.  I am very resistant to the idea of living with family because I feel like we should be independent and make our own way.  I love where we are going to be living, but, before, we were just visiting when we went home, now it will be where we live.  At least, it'll only be 'til we figure out what is going to happen with Grad School and the Air Force.  I can handle it for that long... right??  The idea of invading someone else's personal space, no matter how close we are, is somewhat challenging to me.  It brings fears of over-staying our welcome, ruining our relationship, and losing sight of what is important.  The same fears I feel about being financially indebted to a family member.

I am very grateful that we will not have too many financial obligations when we move to Austin, and I love Spencer's family.  I still have my fears and doubts, but it is important to remember, "Sacrifice means giving up something good now, for something greater later."  And even though I do like being in the home Spencer spent part of his life in, I just don't want to over-stay our welcome and ruin a perfectly good relationship we have with his family.

It is hard not to be in your own home, but these times bring so much uncertainty that we can't risk moving into our own place and then not being able to afford it.  What happened to the good old days where people had jobs and graduate school wasn't so saturated or even necessary??  Why is formal higher education so limited, yet so sought out?  And now it is only going to be more difficult.

I have vented out my fears, and now I must have Faith.  For fear and faith cannot share the same room.  I have faith that everything will be fine, and that stressing about it will only open the door to my fears.  I know the Lord will provide.  He never promised it would be easy either. I don't expect a bag of money and a job to fall into our laps...  I just expect that we will not drown in the uncertainty of not knowing what is to come.  I know we cannot rely solely on the Lord to provide for us, but He will help us provide for ourselves if we put our trust and faith in Him.