Oh Pinkeye.... and a new job!!

So basically, I HATE pinkeye.  It is such a disgusting plague!  It is SOOOO contagious and it just takes FOREVER to get rid of in one family.  So the first person to get it has been over it for days, and the second person got over it a day ago, and the THIRD person to get it will probably have if for a couple MORE days, I am just praying the baby and I are spared.  I am going on 7 days of house arrest here and about to DIE!  We did, however, go pick up my dad from the airport yesterday, so that was a fun outing.  And I have escaped a couple times to regain precious sanity and it helped a TON... but I am ready to be over the lysoling all over the place and constant hand sanitizing!  

Ok, now that's off my chest. We have been tremendously BLESSED!  Spencer starts a new job on Wednesday and we (meaning I) are so grateful to have a job that will allow us paid time off!  Ya, so we get all the fancy benefits, but I am stoked we can actually just take a vacation as a family for once!  Yes, we have taken vacations in the past, but up to now we have just either lost all the pay or he has had to work to make up for it, so it doesn't really feel like a vacation...  Anyway, paid time off is probably the BEST benefit EVER invented!  I am so excited we can finally see him without having to go on one less date, or short ourselves on groceries.  Don't get me wrong, we get to see him now, but usually 2 out of our 3 children are having meltdowns, and/or we are running around trying to fix this place up.

We have been so blessed!  I am so excited to see what the Lord has in store for us!

New Blog

Sooo, I decided that instead of making the family blog all about mommy, I started one just for that! The new blog will be Me In ONE Place.  It is all about motherhood/wifehood/womanhood... according to me that is...  Anyway, happy following!

Let's Keep Things Simple

Last night I had the privilege of attending our local LDS temple with a few ladies from my neighborhood. It was exactly what I needed. Through life's recent uncertainties I found myself very overwhelmed and struggling to keep a positive perspective. I was losing my confidence in letting the Lord guide us and help us through this trying time. But just before we were about to leave I was sitting and looking at a picture of the Savior. It is an artists rendition of the resurrected Lord at the second coming. The Savior is standing erect with his arms out stretched and his palms facing the viewer so as to see the prints of the nails in his hands and feet. I just looked at Him and realized that this is what I should be holding on to. The Savior not only atoned for my sins, but for my sorrows, weaknesses, pain and suffering. He provides comfort through those willing to act as he would. As a few of us went out and visited after the temple I could just feel the burden of this trial lifting off my shoulders. I was reminded that if we take His yoke upon us, our burdens are made light.

I have absolutely NO idea what the future holds for our family, but I know that as we council with the Lord, and those around us, we will be strong enough to heed His council and make it through this trial. The Lord is always available to ease our burdens we just need to keep things simple and keep our eyes single to His glory.

On another note, look who smiled during tummy time!

When Life Throws A Curve Ball

We have some uncertain things coming our way in the VERY near future. All I can say is: when life throws you a curve ball, learn how to hit it... Don't strike out! I am so grateful for the Gospel and the peace that comes from learning it's precepts. I know the Lord has a purpose. The trick is figuring out what that is!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Free-Thinkers and Harsh Judgments....

Recently, I learned that the way my family and I have jumped on the homebirthing and plant-based diet bandwagons has offended some people.  For this I am terribly sorry.  Too often, I express my opinion in an I-am-right-you-are-wrong kind of way, without realizing it.  I had a once dear friend undergo a c-section due to complications during labor.  I didn't fully understand her complications at the time and assumed the Dr's were to blame for her c-section.  I was very irritated and concerned that the c-section, like sooo many others, was a result of 'unnecessary' hospital interventions.  Anyway, long story short, the way I asked my questions was misconstrued into pride and a holier-than-thou type attitude.  Her story was legitimate, and the entire reason c-sections are necessary in the first place.  Not all women who have c-sections are 'victims' of modern medicine, but too many are, this was not the case with my former friend.  I know that now.  And thank goodness she prayed and felt completely impressed that she needed to have her baby at a hospital.  Early on in our pregnancies I was talking about my desire to homebirth and I remember her commending me for it but telling me, even then, that she knew she needed to be at a hospital.  It is easy to understand why now.  She is a huge advocate for natural birthing and I was devastated to learn that her c-section resulted in no possibility for VBAC's since they had to cut her uterus twice.  I was fishing to find out if she really deserved this outcome.  I mean, for any other woman who doesn't really think twice about 'how' her baby enters this world just that it does and is healthy, I wouldn't have been so concerned.  But this person was the first person to really put the idea of natural birthing into my mind and was so well educated on the whole subject.  I was devastated to find out she would no longer be able to experience something she was so passionate about, mainly because I thought she would have been devastated.  Of course, the fact that she and her baby would have died otherwise brought peace to the situation, but still, I just wished she didn't have to go through that.

I have my opinions on vaccinations, diet, birthing, raising children, but they are not across the board nor doctrine.  These opinions have been derived from countless hours of research and praying and advice from doctors, herbalists, friends, and family.  Mainly the praying though.  We have found OUR answers to these prayers, and they have put us outside the 'norm.' More and more often we have become the victims of the same criticism and judgements others think we bestow upon the 'normal' people.  I do have an issue with people who don't do the research and then judge me for the way I do things, but then there are the people who do do the research and still judge me.  I can't really do anything about that.  I am just sorry if I have offended anyone by expressing my opinions, that was not my intent.  I do not judge those that follow the norms.  I do feel that even Spencer and I don't fully understand the reality of the world around us, and that every piece of evidence we have found that has compelled us to make these changes in our lives has evidence to the contrary that can be often times equally compelling.  The difference is that we have sought the Lord's guidance and know what is right for OUR family.

And for the record, we do vaccinate our children, just not on the same schedule as everyone else... close, but not the same.

Leave It To Beaver

How many of us watch or watched Leave It To Beaver??  The all too idealistic June Cleaver forever impresses upon women how we think we should contribute to the family dynamic.

This morning as I was trying to explain to Spencer what I pictured when I think about the wife and mother I ought and want to be, June Cleaver was basically what I came up with.

I told him how I want, so badly, to be the kind of wife and mother that just has it together. One who has cooked meals, clean house, and is there for her family, with a positive attitude and a smile on her face.  I compare myself way to much... But I do the all too common "compare my weaknesses to others' strengths" thing...  And then Spencer brought to light a new perspective that has me determined to start anew, he pointed out that focusing on my flaws is selfish.  He first asked me why I never dwell on my strengths, and I responded that it was vain and self-centered.  Then he explained that so was dwelling on my flaws.  It is, quite simply, "self-ish."

How's that for a fast one, huh?!  I know that focusing on one's "self," is just a recipe for trouble.  We may start off trying to build self-confidence and self-esteem and all those other "self-isms. " But that is all it is, "self-ish."  The most important thing I can do is not compound my flaws and every aspect of my nature into one thing.  I learned recently in a small lesson given by a dear friend, I am not subject to only ONE thing, ONE role, if you will.  I may only think of myself as a wife and a mother, but I am also a daughter, a sister, a coach, a granddaughter, a niece, a friend, a cook, a housekeeper, a neighbor, and the list goes on...  When I fail at any one of those things it doesn't mean I am a failure as a person, it simply means that I failed at that one thing.  And if I failed at one or even two things, all hope is not lost, I will simply dust myself off and try again.

And look at this face :)  He doesn't think I fail at anything.  

We Can Conquer the World

This is before we went Plant-based in our diet... lol. We don't have enough pictures together!

Spencer is amazing.  He is so talented, patient, loving, thoughtful, and kind.  He doesn't seem to think so, but he is!  The last 10 weeks have had PLENTY of ups and downs!  3 kids keep you on your toes!  In the near future, our lives will be undergoing uncertainty, changes, and absolute faith that the Lord has His hand in our lives.  I am so blessed to be going through life's altering changes with my best friend and the love of my life :)

That is all.

Declan's Birth and First Two Months

So I guess it is about time I wrote this all down.  I have told this story so many times already!  My homebirthing story starts way back with Alice.  I had such a negative hospital experience with her birth that Spencer and I decided we would do something different with Norah.  However, with Norah, we were so transitionary up until her birth, that we HAD to have her in a hospital, but it was in a different state and we spoke up for ourselves and had a very supportive nurse and Dr.  Still, it wasn't exactly what we wanted.  

After Norah we were NOT planning on jumping the gun on a having a third child.  However, the Lord has His plans, and he doesn't usually let selfish desires stand in His way.  Declan was ready to come and he made sure we knew.  So, finally, we decided to 'let' him - I am certain he would have whether or not we did.

The Last Picture of me before Declan was born.  I was actually having contractions at this point, they were about 10 minutes apart.

Finally, the fateful day arrived, I was late, and everything started to... smell...  That's right, smell.  I went to Walmart the first week of official pregnancy and could smell EVERYTHING in the store from one spot.  Needless to say, the rotisserie chicken made me want to vomit.  That was weird, I thought, if I didn't know any better I'd think I was pregnant.  I even texted Spencer that very thought and experience!  So then I was late and took a stinking test...  That's right, it was positive.  VERY positive.  I remember before I could officially take the test, I took one and nothing showed up.  I knew nothing would, but I hoped.  My joints were all starting to loosen up, my knees were bothering me when I ran, and I even told my running buddies I thought I was pregnant because of the knee thing.  They all suspected I had bad shoes and that I needed to get my "gait" checked.  Blah...  at this point I was just ready to be pregnant.  I had already given in to the prompting of having a third child, 'SO COME ALREADY' I thought!  Anyway, he did, and here we are... with three BEAUTIFUL (slash handsome) children!

All three babies together the night Declan was born :)  It was so nice to be at home!

When I was about, I don't know, 10 weeks pregnant or so, we started to look at our options.  I started going down the 'normal' route of birthing...  you know, dr, hospital, etc...  but it all felt... off.  Had we stayed in TX I would have had my baby at home or at a birthing center, I was connected to amazing midwives there.  In UT, it was an entirely foreign land to me.  So after speaking with the midwife across the street (yes, across the street!) I was connected to my midwife, and I will tell you, she is AMAZING!  (The midwife across the street is in a master's program, was traveling very near my due date, and doesn't practice midwifery regularly; otherwise I would have just gone with her)   So after interviewing her and talking with my Dr, we decided to go with the homebirth and keep my Dr informed if anything should take a wrong turn.  

Peeking out at the world on daddy's chest.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.....  That is how pregnancy works, you know. Like a time bomb...  The first few minutes go by fast, but the last few seconds go by... so............ slow.  Everyone in my neighborhood started having their babies before me.... I was the last one due...  I tried to stay busy, hoping that after each commitment was fulfilled, after I had reached full term, I would just go into labor.  I joked that I could go into labor after my baby shower since that was THE LAST thing I HAD to do.  

One month old :)

So February 18th finally rolled around and I had the most wonderful baby shower!  I loved it!  Everyone was asking about my homebirth plans, and I had nothing but support!  I was still joking that the baby could come then, since I was done with everything I had committed to doing that month.  Little did I know that the contractions that were already 10-15 minutes apart would stop until he did.  

The day went on and I just did what I did almost every day at that point... clean.

First Sunday outfit!

Then... I lost the plug...  I called my mom and my midwife just to let them know, in case I went into labor.  I got excited for a minute, and then I went into 'the house will be clean or I will turn into an evil witch' mode.  So, it was spotless by 7 pm.  I didn't even fix my family dinner... that wasn't important.  I had to have the entire house dusted, mopped, vacuumed, etc., before I stopped.  And it was.  Then we put the girls down and I started timing my contractions. They were 3-4 minutes apart. Up to that point, I knew they had been close, but that was really close.  After a little over an hour I called my midwife. She came at, I don't know, close to 9 30pm.  

She checked me, I was only 2 cm... then she waited an hour and checked me again... progress... she called her assistants, and that was that. I made it to 4 cm and then stuck there for 4-5 hours.  I psyched myself into that too, I had said several times before that I didn't know what I would do if I got stuck at a 4... so I got stuck at a four.  Bahumbug!  So everyone took their naps and I tried....  but the contractions were 2 minutes apart and just plain uncomfortable.  

7 weeks old and smiling!

Morning came, I had made it to a 5.  I think our midwife knew I was a little too anxious with everyone there.  We sent our girls to church with our good friends, one assistant went to her church to hear her husband and daughter speak, and the other assistant and our midwife went to get breakfast.  Spencer and I were left with one assignment, to get my labor going!  Run up and down the stairs, make-out, take a walk around the block.... anything!  So we did...  I even had a green smoothie :)   By the time the midwife came back contractions were finally more intense.  

The last Newborn outfit he fit in...  it has now entered the "too small" box.

Then I was getting stuck at a 6... so after an hour or two at a 6 and barely over halfway effaced, I just had her break my water.  I was done.  That was at 11:26...   Hardly any water came out because of how Declan was positioned, so I moved to the ball... then came that famous 'gush' of water.  I thought I had peed myself.  Wait... no... that was just my water coming.  I moved to the tub, then the contractions were unbearable.  I actually felt Declan coming down.  After about 3-4 of the most painful contractions I had ever had (and I was on pitocin with Norah and went without pain meds) I knew he was coming.  Our midwife checked and said I was complete.  I had one more contraction and said he was coming... I could feel it... there was no going back.  Our midwife was concerned that our tub was too narrow, so as soon as that contraction was over I just stood up and said 'if we are moving me we are doing it NOW' Spencer was behind me this entire time and helped me get to the bed.  But then I couldn't sit.  Declan had wiggled down and I couldn't bend in the middle.  Darn it all... so Spencer grabbed my hands over the midwife and held me up and one of the assistants was pushing me up from the back and sticking pillows behind me so I could sit up.  The contraction came, and I just started pushing.  The midwife had to tell me to back off... I was pushing too fast...  how do you back off, you wonder?.... you don't...  So Declan came at 11:42 am, and he was super blue and slimy... lol... you thought I was going to say beautiful or something, right?  Well, he was, and I held him, I didn't care.  I mean we had a towel, but I still had him skin to skin.  I felt amazing!  I had done it!  The moment I was waiting for came, and I had an instant connection with my baby the way I had hoped for.  I LOVED it!  I felt empowered.  I could now accomplish anything, and no one could tell me otherwise.

Sportin' the Burnt Orange!  Hook 'Em \m/

Alice and Norah joined us shortly thereafter, since church let out at noon.  And I loved having all my babies with me right away!  I enjoyed the rest of my day with visits from good friends.  I managed to sneak a 45 minute nap in (I didn't sleep at all through the night).  Spencer and I absolutely loved being at home!  I loved sleeping in my own bed, and not having nurses bother me at all hours of the night.  I loved that my little girls were just down the hall, and that Spencer wasn't confined to an uncomfortable cot.  I loved that my baby didn't have to suffer through being poked or prodded, and that we didn't have to bring him home.  It was awesome!

Two Months old. He LOVES being up and able to look around :)

My mom and sister came in that Wednesday (Declan was born on Sunday 2/19), and I was able to start catching up on sleep and play time with my girls.  I am so grateful they were able to be here for so long.  Everyone says the hardest adjustment is 2 to 3, but I have been so blessed with help from my family and wonderful friends that this seems to be quite a bit easier than I had expected.  Don't get me wrong... it is still quite challenging at times, but not nearly as hard as it could be.  My mom was able to spend a grand total of 5 weeks with me and my sister almost 3.  I know they made HUGE sacrifices to be with me, and for that I know they will be blessed immensely!  

Alice loves her baby brother, she thinks "he is so cute and little!" Norah loves him too, but she is a little more jealous than I had expected...  She loves holding him and giving him hugs and kisses, but she also has no problem pushing him out of my lap so she can have a turn in it.  Spencer loves is "little man," and does so much to take care of him and give me much needed breaks for my sanity.  He really is a great support, and I would literally go crazy without his help.

Look at those BLUE eyes! I hope they stay that way!

All in all, it is surreal to be a family of 5...  I still forget I have 3 children sometimes, I mean, I don't forget about any of them, I just forget I have that many... It's weird... I am only 25...  Is this real?  Yes, yes it is.  And it is amazing!

A Refiner's Fire

I suppose it is time to start putting my thoughts out there once again...  I forget how much easier life is to deal with when my thoughts aren't only swimming in my own head.  I should keep a journal, but I just don't....  Well, I do, but it is about as successful as this blog....

Yesterday evening was one of the craziest to date since being on our own with the littles.  I found myself working really hard to keep it all together and had one of those growing/maturing moments.  As Spencer was getting ready for yet another campout - that I really didn't want him to go on since it would have been my first night alone since having three kids, and Declan is barely two months old and still unpredictable - I found myself actually able to suppress my anxiety and erratic emotional outbursts and accomplish the task at hand.  Creating order out of chaos.

Delcan had received most of his immunizations (we opted to do HepB later), and just woke up from his nap only to be totally and completely uncomfortable and he chose to make sure our entire neighborhood was aware of his pain.  Norah is getting over an ear infection and decided she would be happiest being held... or fed...  Alice really just wanted to be with Daddy, but he was running around trying to get ready for his campout and couldn't ensure her safety outside so she kept being brought inside.  So with three children taking turns overlapping their meltdowns Spencer seemed very discouraged.  He even, at one point, asked if he needed to cancel the camp out.  Instead of melting down myself, because I very much could have, I found myself putting a smile on my face and actually reassuring Spencer that I could handle it just fine and that the kids would be fine once things were settled. Almost as all the calming reassurances left my mouth I wondered if I had been possessed by a saint.  What was I saying!?  Because I wanted to be saying, "YES, stay home! Save me from all of this chaos!  Hug me and let me cry! I don't want to do this! ....I can't do this..." Of course, I know that it was the strength the Lord gave me that ensured everyone's safety and kept me from melting down, and those were the things Spencer needed to see and hear to be able to fulfill his calling with the scouts and provide these young boys with experiences they need to become whom the Lord would have them become, but still!  The kids were all freaking out, everyone I trusted and wanted to stay with me had plans or obligations, and I was just short of breaking down and crying.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, I was able to calm everyone down and Declan cried so hard he just wore himself out and fell asleep (which is unusual for the evening, because he is usually just fussy from 7-9 pm), Norah and Alice started playing together and I actually had a chance to breathe and skype with my mom and sister (which I so desperately needed).

I know that the Lord gave me strength among the chaos surrounding motherhood and wifehood, and I know that even though I was 100% irritated that the one night Spencer was gone all hell broke loose in the Hall household, the Lord provided a way for me to once again bring order to all things gone wrong and left me with three beautiful, strong, healthy babies that help me find joy in the life I have.

I am grateful for these opportunities for growth (after the growing is done of course), and I wouldn't trade the life I have for anything!  Once in a while, though, it would be nice if it didn't take so many meltdowns in one night to help me grow, mature, and learn the ins and outs of mommyhood... just sayin'...

The night ended with these three babies happy and content that mommy hadn't lost her cool and they repayed me by going to bed easily.  All is once again right with the world... granted, their not up yet, so  this will be short lived, but, by golly, a short life is better than none!