The More Thoughts to Come...

Recently, Spencer and I have been doing a lot of reflecting...  We are taking a more active role in our children's lives and our overall health...  

Which brings me to some new changes.  We have determined that we are going to be plant-based with our diet.  We have had an interesting journey to this point though.  First, we move into this ward where there are several, and I mean SEVERAL, vegetarians and vegans...  Then, as I live here for a few months I start to hear a little gossip here and there about a RAW vegan diet...  Talk about out there!  But that was only the start.  Spencer and I already had a desire to follow the Word of Wisdom (D&C 89) a little more thoroughly by adding more grains into our diet and really eating meat sparingly.  What we didn't realize is what a blessing that would be.  It all started while we had some friends staying with us, one of which is vegan, and they helped show us some great alternatives to what we were eating.  We realized that it really wasn't as drastic of a change as we had thought, and most of the things we ate were so close to being animal protein- free that we really didn't have a lot to change.  As we started learning about grains and other sources of protein we learned how deficient we were in eating animal-based foods.  We have found such a wide variety of foods to get our nutrients and calories from and Spencer doesn't have anywhere near the allergy problems that he did before.  Norah who is allergic/intolerant to dairy isn't spitting up string cheese or milk anymore and they are thriving.  

When considering this diet change I talked with a few friends who really don't know what this diet contains as far as nutrients go, and their first questions were, how are you going to make sure your kids are getting enough fat and protein in their diet?!  Like taking out scrambled eggs was going to give them less protein...  Let's do the math, one egg (which is all I could get Alice to eat on a good day) has 3g or protein, so since Norah usually ate hers and half of Alice's, she was getting 4.5g of protein for breakfast whilst Alice was only getting 1.5g.  I would usually try to get Alice to eat something else but she usually wouldn't eat again til lunch, with a glass of milk or watered-down juice in between.  We were told not to let her snack so she would eat at meal times...  which only worked sometimes.  Alice has ALWAYS been the type that would rather be hungry than eat something she doesn't want to.  Anyway, since switching to a plant-based diet, not only have we almost lost our picky Alice, she will eat a serving of cereal, cold or hot, that contains a whopping 5-6g of protein.  And she drinks my green smoothies every day which have a ton of protein in them as well.  They eat beans, nuts, grains, fruits and veggies and are healthier than most of the kids their age in our area.  I don't limit their food anymore.  I just let them eat til the heart's content.  Alice is starting to love foods like Quinoa and Oatmeal.  So many mornings she will wake up and immediately ask for Oatmeal...  She will ask for carrot sticks and peanut butter....  These are things I never thought I would hear out of my 2-yr-old's mouth.  Anyway, this change has been such a blessing and it is truly opened our eyes to so many other things.

  

Recently, I heard a very sad story.  A lot of people hear stories like this, and a lot of the time when a home birth goes bad it is made public, but when a hospital birth goes bad, it gets little to no attention.  My midwife recently delivered a baby to a couple who had lost their previous baby to a hospital intervention.  Which is how most mothers and babies are lost in the US.  The previous labor was going fine, but the baby was getting stuck in the birth canal.  So in the midst of impatience the Dr. brought out the vacuum.  It didn't work.  Not only did it not work, it caused a cerebral hemorrhage.  They didn't know.  They rushed the mother into an emergency c-section because they convinced her that was the only way the baby was going to come out, only to find out that the baby had died during this time.  So not only did this precious baby lose its life, it was totally preventable.  It amazed me that the Dr chose to vacuum the baby out instead of let the mother get into a proper birthing position.  The only reason for this is convenience.  If the mother had been in a sitting or squatting position the Dr would have had to squat to get the baby.  Or it would have been a liability because the baby could fall.  It is aggravating to know that most of the complications that come with hospital births are caused by just being there.  A women who is already in tremendous pain is pressured non-chalantly by Dr's and nurses and told that basically she has to do what they say.  OB's are trained surgeons, not midwives.  Yet we put our lives in a Doctor's hands as if they know us better than we know ourselves. Midwives are trained to help a women bring her own child into this world.  Something that brings about so much joy, I can't even describe it.

Which brings me to the next big thing, which to some is bigger than a diet change....  I will be having this little baby boy at home with a midwife.  I have been doing so much digging and researching and praying and this is what we are doing!  My interest in natural birth started with some friends of ours that had their first baby at home.  I remember inviting them over for dinner and talking about how much I loved not feeling the pain of labor, but then learned that they weren't only going all natural but they were going to have their baby at home!  I thought, why?  And started asking questions.  I determined I wanted a similar experience with Norah, but since we didn't have a home at the time I was limited to birthing centers or hospitals, due to our transitionary state I did have her in a hospital, but without any pain medication.  We also have another good friend who had her two boys naturally one at a birthing center and one at home.  And they seemed to really appreciate the experience and she was able to get into her own zone without any pressure from Dr's and nurses trying to turn the room over for the next person. Luckily with Norah there were only like 4 other women having babies so no one rushed me.  

I have suffered through pain most of these last 10 years, and I am suddenly grateful for it because it gave me the patience and tolerance I needed to make it through Norah's delivery (which I talk about further down, I don't know how to link it).  Looking back, I know what a blessing it was to hold Norah right away, I bonded with her right away.  Alice and I struggled because of complications and it took us almost 3 months to get when Norah and I got right away.  So no more doctors, or nurses, or hospitals.  I am low risk so I will be staying at home.  Even if there were a few risks, and all felt right, I would still have this baby at home.  I used to think that modern medicine was the way to go, and that women who didn't have the pain killers were crazy.  I used to swear I would have an epidural no matter what!  I had no idea.  No idea that there is so much more to be had when you deliver a baby the way your body was designed to deliver.  None of those laying back with your feet in stir-ups mumbo jumbo.  None of those hospital interventions that are most of the time completely unnecessary.  There is such a small percentage of women who actually needed an intervention that get them.  Including being induced.  Anyway, I have since completely changed my perspective of the healthcare INDUSTRY.  I am learning to trust in the Lord before I trust in a doctor or even a midwife.  Spencer and I are completely on board with this and I am so glad he is there to support me!

I remember after having Norah I felt so empowered, I had done it, I had gone through labor and delivery and felt all that I was capable of.  No one will be able to take that away from me.  I found a new determination to get things done.  To set goals and actually meet them.  I am stronger for it.  I have found my inner-self and know that I can be who I am intended to be.  I no longer settle for "that's just how I am." If I don't like it, I change it!  For example, when I decided to get rid of that 5 month prego-looking belly, I did it.  I was 8 pounds and 4 inches from my goal when I found out I was having this baby.  I was actively losing weight and looking my best. I am determined to look like I haven't had kids!  lol.  More importantly, I am determined to be my best self so I can help my husband and children reach their full potential.  I love the new me, and if that means I will be a baby-wearing, stay-at-home, nursing mama to three (or more) beautiful children, then that is what I will be. If that means I will be rocking my girls and boy to sleep for the next few years I will give up that 30 minutes every day.  I have babies, they are a part of me, and if I keep trying to follow the trend of making my kids live around my preferences there will be no harmony in this home.  I am learning that I have these 3 beautiful spirits under my protection and only I can show them a mother's love.  And we are learning slowly that love is spelled T-I-M-E.

I love that Spencer and I are in full agreement on how to raise our family and that he is a worthy priesthood holder that loves his responsibility to lead and guide us the way his Father in Heaven would have him do.  Spencer is my support and the love of my life.  I am so glad I chose to marry him!  I can't believe it has been 4 years on the 27th!  

Note:  Two documentaries that really opened my eyes, and validated what I had been feeling, are Forks Over Knives and The Business of Being Born (I only recommend that one to future and current mamas, it shows women in labor... naked-ish).  There are other studies and research that also encourage plant-based diets and natural birth, but those two really put a lot in one place.

I have heard some people brag about how much they love the epidural, but you won't hear it from me.  You will hear me brag, though, that the moment I first hold that baby in my arms, whilst the largest rush of oxytocin is running through both our bodies, we will bond on a level that makes all the pain worth it.  To me, that one moment is what I was made for.  I was made to connect with my children on a level no one else can.  I was made to give birth the way it was intended to be done.  Some may argue that babies and mothers were lost so much before hospital interventions, but I believe that more are lost now due to them.  I also believe in listening to the Spirit in this matter, and if the Lord knew I needed to be at a hospital I wouldn't feel so opposed to being there. I am relying on this to guide me through this process, and I can't wait to share my experience with others.

Another update

Baby Boy Hall will be joining us on or after Feb 26th, 2012 (I am going for the 29th!), and we are THRILLED to be having a boy.  I didn't think our next baby would be joining us til mid-late 2013, but here we are...  The Lord has a purpose for this boy, let's just make sure I stay sane enough to help him figure out what that is!

Alice is quite the 2-yr-old and she is letting us know.  It has been rather difficult to keep up with all of the things she throws at us, but recently we have learned that if we say no a little less and cuddle a little more she is a LOT easier to handle!!  I have been reflecting on my labor, delivery and recovery with her quite a bit and it is amazing how that really seems to be the theme of our little Alice.  It was relatively easy to get her here, recovery from the delivery was more than I had anticipated, and the bonding took all the energy I could muster.  Now she is just this cute little spitfire and she knows it!  It amazes me how observant she has always been, and how that resulted in this little girl who will tell you exactly what she wants or doesn't want, no beating around the bush there!

Norah is coming out more and more!  She was this mellow little baby who just sat back and relaxed while everything went on around her.  I believe she was just so entertained by Alice that she'd rather watch than get in on the action.  But here she is 16 months old and just as much of a handful!  She is starting to say words like "uh-oh" and "up." She has been saying mama since she was 7-8 months old...  and dada since around then too.  It is so cute to watch her play like she sees her daddy play, and when he walks in the door she has to be in his arms immediately.  She signs a lot, mainly "more" and "please" though.  Ever since she and Alice started playing more she has become a little more demanding and destructive..  So essentially she is just pretending she is 2...  But she is quite the cuddle bug and would rather fall asleep being rocked in your arms than by herself.  Although she is easy to just put into bed, you can't help but cuddle with her as you rock her to sleep.

Spencer is loving his job!  He is progressing more and more in his IOS developer talents, and has quite a few apps to show for it.  Big ones... Anyway, he doesn't like me telling on him so you will have to talk to him about that!  For now, look up Ping Pong Battle, the 3D version...  Yup, that was all Spencer. Well, just the making it work part.  The designers and 3D team came up with the pictures and graphics.

I am pregnant, and feeling it!  This has been my healthiest pregnancy by far and I am so glad!  We are having this baby at home and I am stoked!  A lot went into that decision, but it will be worth it!

More thoughts to come!!

I guess it's about time for an update!

Sooo, I have slacked on the blogging lately due to one very significant reason...  I am now expecting our THIRD child!  I am due Feb 26th and am on week 13 right now.  I never thought I would say that at my age and seeing as I have only been married 3 years... lol.  I did the math and according to my calculations, and if all goes as planned, when this baby is born I will have been pregnant for 27 of the 50 months we will have been married at that point.  That is more than half of our marriage.  And the other half has been spent desperately trying to get my high school body back. Which since I lost ten pounds of pre pregnancy weight after Alice and then got ten pounds off my wedding weight after Norah, I am pretty sure I will finally reach my goal after baby number 3 since I only had ten pounds to go when I found out I was pregnant. I just want to make it clear that I had never intended nor planned to have kids so soon after getting married or to have so many so close, but as long as we are praying and following the Lord's council on how our family will progress I guess nothing will according to my plan now will it?  That has been a hard lesson to learn.

I started training for a 5k back in May right after my last post.  I was running pretty consistently and successfully ran my first 5k on June 26th, unbeknownst to me the reason I felt like puking the whole time was because I was pregnant and hadn't eaten anything... lol.  9 days later I was scheduled to run the Freedom 10k, which I did, but with the knowledge I was pregnant, so I made sure to eat before hand and drink lots of water.. what a difference! Anyway, so with that under my belt I wanted to continue training for a half marathon in August, but I just couldn't surpass the training I had done to that point.  So my goal is the American Fork Canyon half marathon next summer.

Spencer has been blessed with tons of experience at work, and has been going camping all summer since he is the Scoutmaster in our ward.  He seems to have a great time and really enjoys camping.  I am hoping we can go as a family, but losing out on one Saturday a month is already hard enough since our house still needs some tending to, but we should make at least one exception I suppose.

Alice is talking soooo much!  She is very protective of Norah, and doesn't let anyone hurt her.  Early on in the summer Spencer would tell her to focus when she would get distracted while eating or when we were trying to discipline her and she couldn't look at us or acknowledge that we were in her face trying to tell her why she was in time out or how to behave.  Anyway, I made the comment that she wouldn't understand that phrase, "Focus, Alice." Not even a week later was I cooking and Alice was having fun eating the dried noodles while she waited for dinner.  Well, I was unable to replenish her supply in a timely manner and she start patting me saying "Focus, Mommy, focus!  More noodle!"  I laughed so hard.  She says it all the time now.  That impatient little bug! She is saying funny things all the time, but my favorite is that she is getting helpful and not only destructive.  She can count to 11 by herself and sing the ABC's, every week she comes home singing a new song from Nursery.  From nursery she knows the Wise man and the Foolish man, I love to see the Temple, I am a child of God, Popcorn Popping, Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam, and there may be one or two more.  I am teaching her nursery rhymes and more of the kid songs at home.  I do sing the nursery ones with her too, but I want her to know all the songs that I grew up with!

Norah is walking!  She tries to say some words, but Mama is the only one she ever actually says.  She can say Alice, but it sounds more like Ice.  She says Dada too, but not to often.  But she started saying more and all done, but I didn't know that is what they were for a while.  Sounds more like mo' and a'duh. lol.  She learned how to get up from the floor instead of crawling to a wall or piece of furniture to get back up if she falls.  Oh and in other news, she is a breath holder.  By that I mean she can get so mad that she doesn't take a breath and then passes out.  Although, I have usually been close to her any time she starts having a fit or gets hurt and I can blow in her face to get her to breathe, but yesterday she fell and I was clearing the table so I let her whine.  To this point I didn't know she was capable of holding her breath for longer than normal.  I am used to the whole turn purple because you get hurt and hold your breath but then take a deep breath and scream...  You know, like when a child bumps their head in church and you root for the parent to win the race between them and the scream to the door...  Anyway, so she turned purple took a slight breath but then continued to be purple until she went pasty white with blue toes, fingers, and lips and she fell forward still not breathing and then once her face hit the floor she started breathing... the second she started falling and turning white I started running.  This was what I was waiting for.  We suspected from the beginning that she would be the one to inherit Spencer's breath holding gene...  And we were right.  The last several days she has finally started showing significant amounts of emotion so I think this is why it didn't happen til now.

Anyway, when she passes out there is nothing we can do but let her body start breathing again.  I hope she is the only child that has this problem.  They say they will grow out of it, but it isn't easy to watch your child turn all white and blue and then pass out.  I am just glad it didn't last for more than a second, but it seemed to take forever for her color to come back to her little body.

Well, that is all I have time for today!  More updates to come!  And pictures!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!

That is all...  but to emphasize the excitement here is a picture at our evening after Mother's Day dinner.  We have decided to make this a tradition since my last three Mother's Days haven't gone exactly as planned.

This is Us.

Spencer 24, Ashley 18

So these pictures were taken of us shortly before we met.  We had no knowledge of the other's existence, yet...  Spencer was losing hope of ever finding someone, and I was getting ready to serve a mission.  I was living in Austin, TX going to the University of Texas and working as a massage therapist.  I met Spencer in late June, he was home from BYU for the summer, but I had a boyfriend at the time so nothing happened with us then...  Well, that boyfriend and I broke up shortly thereafter, and Spencer asked me out on our first date three days later.

The Sunday after we got engaged.

I remember the night he asked me out.  I had come home early from somewhere and was going to skip Institute (a bible study class) and just go to bed early.  I woke up at 7 pm on the dot and could NOT get back to sleep.  Since Institute had already started I decided to just go and sit in the back, I don't know what possessed me to give up my battle with trying to get back to sleep, I like to think Alice and Norah had something to do with it....  Well, the Bishop so happened to be there that night so I approached him about wanting to go on a mission, and he was able to start getting the paperwork ready that night.  Well, after Institute let out I started talking to a group of my friends and Spencer was among them...  they all invited us to Pluckers and I didn't have to try very hard to get Spencer to go...  remember I was officially single at the time so flirting was part of the game....  Spencer was not a night person by any means...  but he came, and I knew he came because I asked him.  I even conveniently didn't understand the directions to Pluckers so he ended up taking me.  I thought he was cute, but he went to BYU and would be gone in less than two months so I thought it was harmless.  Anyway, that night he asked me on a date.  It was either him or the Singles activity, so I picked him.  That night I went in to talk to my roommate Tressa about my day, the impossible early bedtime, my mission, and Spencer.  I made a resolve to not go on any other dates after the one with Spencer since I was going to put full focus on my mission.  One more date, I thought to myself, then no more boys.  How real that came to be... just not exactly how I'd planned...

The Monday after we got engaged.

Spencer and I had a marvelous first date.  I ended the night by showing him my mission papers just in case he got the courage to push any further dates.  The fact that we had held hands, though, didn't help that much...  Then came the worst 5 days of our lives.  Saturday came and he texted me and I took all day to respond...  Sunday came and I had a run in with the ex boyfriend and was a wreck so I never texted or called Spencer back after our last correspondence, but at that point the ball was in my court...  I was supposed to call him when I had time.  I didn't want him to be a rebound, I already really liked him...  I couldn't get him out of my head.  Then finally Wednesday came, I was on my way home from my new job stopped at 15th and I35, and I was still lamenting over the things my ex had told me he really didn't like about me....  my randomness, my ditziness, how I can sometimes be two conversations behind, how I don't always get jokes, etc.  And then the strongest feeling came over me and the thought, "But Spencer already loves those things about me."  I was overwhelmed.  I had to call him.  I went home told my roommate that I needed to call him and she had just seen him the night before and told me he seemed uninterested, or at least he thought I was, so he was going to move on.  I couldn't take that...  so I called him, I apologized, and we talked.... a lot... I had plans that night, but I cut them a little short.  He was sick so I saw him early the next afternoon...  And then the next day, and the next and just about every day until he went back to school.

The cover to our wedding announcement! 

The week after we started talking again I knew I was in for it.  He was so funny and respectful, nice and sweet, he laughed at my quirks and adored me, and I absolutely adored him. Still do.  We kissed on Aug. 1st and that was the beginning of our steady relationship.  That weekend he met my family as my friend and they all like him right off the bat...  the words marriage prospect even left my mom's mouth, and my dad liked how honorable he seemed to be.  Funny side note, we were holding hands in my parent's ward that Sunday and the Sunday School teacher caught us off guard and basically told him to put a ring on my finger ASAP...  haha, my mom laughed when the story got back to her, and that teacher was not surprised when I showed up a couple months later with just that!

Yes, you read that right...  a couple months...

The last weekend he was in town before he had to leave for school, I was in San Antonio and he was in Austin.  I knew if I had asked him to come he would have, but I wanted to see if I could handle myself.  haha.  I fell in love with him that weekend.  That was when I knew he really was that one person I would spend the rest of eternity with.  I even told my bishop that.  My bishop even told me I shouldn't turn down a proposal if it came, he had known Spencer over the years and deemed him a very honorable young man.

Wedding Day!!  12-27-2007

Well, Spencer left on August 30th, and I couldn't take it...  so we made plans for him to come the first weekend in October.

We talked all the time, and we found skype such a reliable tool!  I was still preparing for a mission since I was not going to stay behind for a boyfriend.  Sooo...  that fateful weekend arrived and Spencer not only asked my dad if he could take my hand, he asked me to be his wife.  I said yes of course! We were married just two and a half months later.  Looking back, I know we jumped into things, but I wouldn't change it for the world!  So many blessing have come from our marriage, and it is only getting better.  I guess you could say we are crazy, but at least it is about each other!

And they lived happily ever after

Life... What an Adventure

A friend of mine posted something on her blog today that got me thinking.  A lot....  I don't think that was her intention, but as we are in similar boats as far as how quickly we jumped into married and mommy life...  I couldn't stop dreaming of the day I am just a little bit older...  Alice and Norah will be older and not as dependent upon every single moment of my day, and while I will have a couple more kids by that point, I will have the baby part down a little better.  We will be able to go camping, to the zoo, swimming, and yes while I will probably be taking care of a baby or two, two or three kids will be able to enjoy these fun festivities.  I was dreaming of what they will be like, what kinds of things they will like.  Will Alice climb trees as much as she climbs furniture, will Norah be a busy body or mellow, will they like the same things or be complete opposites???

All this thinking got me caught up in a whirlwind.  I was at Wal-Mart and as I was leaving this clean-shaven, late-30's, well-dressed gentleman came up and asked me if he could earn a dollar by cleaning my window.  I only had a twenty on me.  A twenty that turned up in the washer, a twenty dollar bill that neither Spencer or I remembered to whom it belonged or what it was intended for.  Cash is a rarity in our house.  I told him that if he had change that would be fine, but I kept the knowledge of what amount I had to myself.  He simply said that he didn't have much, pulled out 2-3 dollars and said that he was just trying earn money for his kids.  I almost cried right in front of him.  He quickly said that he was sorry to have bothered me and not to worry about it.  I told him I would come back with change, but he said not to.  No sooner than I had finished putting Norah in the car had he made it to the other side of the parking lot.  This man was not messing around.  I drove around watching how earnestly he worked.  I was on my way home, a huge weight on my shoulders and the Spirit reminding me that this was the reason I found that $20, and with this image of him working for every dollar like it was a hundred.  I am almost always skeptical of the sincerity behind someone who asks for money, but this man was trying to work for it.

So I am driving home with this weight and I turn around and start heading back, fighting with my inner self...  questioning myself, I'm doing the right thing, right?  But I just kept going.  I drove through the parking lot and I couldn't find him, so I said a little prayer that if he was being sincere I would find him right then, and no sooner than I start coming up the next aisle and there he is!  So I park and wait for him to finish talking to these two ladies, and I see one of them give him more than a dollar and he gives her the rest back and now I am wondering....  So I get out and start talking to him...  I am not just going to hand over a twenty dollar bill.

Turns out that he just recently went through a divorce after a temple marriage, 17.5 yrs and 6 kids.  He had previously been laid off from a job he had had for a long time and never finished school, he was in the process of finishing school but then the divorce happened, and he kept thinking he would find a job.  When I showed him the 20 dollar bill he almost cried.  I told him I knew he didn't have the change so to just take it.  He offered to come to my house to clean all my windows, but I declined... I am not that crazy.  Talking to him calmed all my nerves and I knew he was who he said he was.  He gave some advice upon parting...  To never take a day for granted and to always honor my temple covenants and to alway stay close to my husband and make sure our marriage is strong and that we always communicate. One thing I didn't mention, was that he did clean all my car windows, he wouldn't take the money otherwise.

So back to my dreaming...  I decided that dreaming for more than a split second is a bit excessive.  It doesn't matter NOW what Alice and Norah, and however many other kids I will have, will be like...  (Don't get me wrong, I will still dream and wonder what they will be like, but I need to keep things in perspective.) So I got back into my car and looked at my babies and thought of my wonderful husband and decided to make the most of every moment... and although that only lasted until about 7:45 pm today (thank goodness Spencer got home just then!), I will try to make it to the 8 o'clock bedtime tomorrow, and every day after that, until I succeed at figuring out how to keep my cool ALL the time ...  I guess no matter what, though, I will always have to battle the every day adventure called life...

Someday

Someday I will get in shape.  Someday I will be a good mom that doesn't get worked up, stressed or overwhelmed.  Someday we will be out of debt. Someday I will be able to think outside my bubble and help someone in need. Someday I will be proactive and anxiously engaged in good. Someday I will be able to say I study my scriptures and pray every single day.  Someday I won't be obsessed with Facebook!

"There is a danger in the word someday when what it means is “not this day.” “Someday I will repent.” “Someday I will forgive him.” “Someday I will speak to my friend about the Church.” “Someday I will start to pay tithing.” “Someday I will return to the temple.” “Someday …”" - President Henry B. Eyring of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and now The First Presidency - This Day, Apr. 2007, Ensign May 2007

I think about this rather frequently these days...  How to better improve my quality of life.  With all the trials we have had over the past couple months, it is hard to keep everything else in check, and a bit overwhelming to 'strive for perfection!'  But then I read the words and testimonies of the Apostles and Prophets the Lord has placed on the earth for us to turn to during these very times in our lives.

I have a testimony that these men are chosen by our Heavenly Father to be our trusted guides along the strait and narrow path toward our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and everlasting salvation and eternal life.

Although, this doesn't really make anything "easier," it does make it "lighter."  Now, if only I could remember these things BEFORE I freak out at my family...  that would be wise.  It's always gotta be something...

A Life Full of Learning, Failures, Successes, and a Lot of Laughs in Between!

If you had asked me my thoughts on wifehood and motherhood a few days ago I may have simply responded with uncontrollable sobs and a few words and phrases muttered in between, like "hard,""I need a break,""too much," or "tiring."

Last Friday night I reached a breaking point, I sat at the top of the stairs crying and contemplating why I had become such a bad caretaker.  As I listened to my daughter crying because she was just spanked on her leg due to her incessant need to get out of bed every ten seconds for an hour before finally giving up and going to sleep (which had been going on for a month), as I listened to my poor husband coughing and moaning with the worst sickness I have ever seen him undergo, as I thought of the mess the house had become because I simply couldn't do it all, I remembered that our Heavenly Father will never give us more trial and tribulation than we can bare.

Through our trials come great blessings.  So why can't I be cheerful while I wait for the blessings?!  Why is it that one of my weakness is to become overwhelmed with life's trials when my house is a mess?  Tuesday was my sick day, I was resting and sitting all day so I wouldn't be near as sick as the rest of my family had been, I couldn't afford to even rest that one day, let alone two or three... so rest I did.  Spencer got home that night and was trying to help me with the girls and I was bouncing one of them on my lap and tickling them...  Spencer had the other one and was just letting them sit there.  He asked, "Is this what you do all day?" I quickly responded, "What? Be lazy?"  He was surprised by that comment, "Uuh, no this isn't lazy! This is busy!" Haha, I guess keeping babies happy can be busy, but I responded again, "I feel like if I had been busy all day, I would have a clean house to show for it!" Then Spencer, as sweet as he is, said something like "A clean house should NOT measure how busy you have or haven't been."  Why can't it be that simple?!  Well, it can.

I am such a horrible wife and mother when my house is a mess and especially when the dishes are undone.  Others would argue that I am being hard on myself, or that I am grossly over-exaggerating, but my heart is not with my family when this temporal establishment could suit swine better than human beings.

So what have I learned through all of this??  Stop STRESSING!  Being a good wife and mother is not measured by how clean the house is.  No one is going to come over when you are a walking incubus of viral plague anyway, and if they do, they know what to expect!  I know when I finally realized that the condition of my house didn't have to interfere with my mood I felt less overwhelmed by the task at hand.  I know I am not going to let my house go forever, but even more so I can't let my family go in the slightest if  I am going to keep the Spirit in my home.

Growing up I remember my mom would also get short and frustrated that our house wasn't spotless, and then I became the same way.  She learned over the years to let some things go, and I must do the same.  I am way too obsessive about my house, and not enough about my family.  The Lord would not have us create a House of Order without the Spirit in it.  It would not make sense.  So then, this is my challenge, trial, and ultimately my blessing.  To look past the mess when it interferes with my family's well being, to love them, care for them, and to avoid my breaking point at all costs.

Being a a wife and a mother has taught me a great deal about prioritizing and planning ahead for unseen trials.  It has taught me how to love unconditionally, compassion, and the importance of keeping the Lord close to everything I do and say.  Had I been relying on the Lord when the stress kept piling on, my daughter wouldn't have suffered through yelling and a spanking that she didn't deserve.  She is almost two, and then she will be three and then sixteen.....  I have to be ok with this, and if I am not, I need to ask and plea with the Lord to make me be ok with it!

I am still learning, I just need to learn quickly, because apparently, much to my dismay, my family can't function without me!

Back to Work

Spencer had knee surgery on Tuesday.  All went better than one could have hoped.  We thought he was going to be off his leg for 4 weeks and then in a brace for three months, but since the tear in is meniscus was irreparable they cut out the tear and Spencer was walking the next day.  He did have to keep his leg up for 48 hours, but at least he didn't have to mess with crutches every time he needed to go to the bathroom!

Spencer is amazing, I am just so happy to be his wife.  I watch how much joy being a husband and a father bring him, and it makes me want to be a better wife and mother.  We really have too much fun together!  He is my best friend.

Alice and Norah are so cute!  They are becoming such cute sisters!  Alice knows how to get into the crib, and although we do not condone this behavior, it was cute to see them asleep side by side the other night.  Alice had gone into the crib to comfort Norah and they fell asleep in there together.

Alice is talking more and more clearly.  I love it! She is beginning to test her boundaries yet AGAIN!  She has been in a grown up bed for months now and hasn't usually made things difficult.  She has also been able to open doors for quite some time and this as only posed an issue on occasion...  but for the last week she has been getting out of bed every night, nonstop, for over an hour!  Ok, maybe only two of the nights was it over and hour, but STILL!!  Anyway, so last night she only got out of bed three times, and tonight I am hoping it's none.  I mean, we made progress with the naps, she hasn't gotten out of bed two whole days in a row during her nap time.

Norah.... Norah, Norah, Norah....  is still NOT crawling!  But she entertains herself pretty well, so I am consigned to think she is too content to have the desire to crawl yet.  She wiggles all around a three foot circle though!  She is pretty happy most of the time!  And she has 5 almost 6 teeth!  She is already a little bit of a picky eater....  I just hope it doesn't progress into what Alice is, as far as pickiness.

I am losing weight gradually, about 1 lb a week, which is in accordance with the breastfeeding and weight loss guidelines I found at www.mypyramid.gov.  Except I lost 10 pounds right after Christmas...  but we had just moved into our new house and it has stairs and we have two babies... :)  My clothes are fitting better and my tummy is getting smaller!  I am so excited about this change!  I just have 15 more pounds to go and after 5-10 I will be confident in my swimsuit...  I am already where I was when I got married, so I am happy with that little success!  I have officially lost all pre-pregnancy weight, but I still don't fit into my clothes as well as I used to!  I hate jeans...  they make life difficult. So I am 137 and my healthy range is below 129, so naturally I want to be 120...  so that is really 17 pounds, but 15 makes it sound less daunting and more manageable.

In more recent news, I am sad to say that I lost a good friend, we worked together 6 years ago, and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. She was no longer married when she died and had a 1 yr old baby. She was a San Antonio City Cop and was answering a call when struck head on by a drunk driver who was driving the wrong way with no headlights.  Both were killed.  I am so sad.  I was supposed to meet up with her when I was in town and it never happened.  I will always regret that.

I will post pictures later.  Over and out.

I should be sleepin'.....

The last few months have really flown by!!  Now that things are almost settled I figure I should get back in the routine of blogging.  I don't keep a journal very well, it is more sporadic than this!

Spencer is LOVING his job!  He is currently working on a game for the iPad, and it is down to crunch time so he is putting in extra time at work so he can get it done as close to on time as possible!  He is so great!  I just have to throw in here that I really appreciate him and all he does for us.  He jumps right into his Fatherly duties the second he walks into the door!  Alice absolutely LOVES it when he gets home, she screams "DADDY" and runs into his arms.  Although, yesterday she was squatting like him and holding her arms out the way he does and saying "YAY" like Spencer does when she runs into his arms...  I think she was trying to get him to run into her arms...  It is so fun to see him interact with her!  It is nice that he gets to come home for lunch, it is much needed interaction, even if it is for a short time.  He is now the Scout Master in our Ward (LDS congregation), and he is enjoying being with the Deacons (12-13 yr old boys) on Sundays and Tuesday nights.  He recently went on an overnight campout with a few other people from our ward, leaders and boys, it was called the Klondike I think, but they got to camp out in the snow!  I didn't realize how safe he made me feel until I was all alone in the house that night!  But he enjoyed it!

Alice is growing up so fast!  She is the smartest little kid I know!  She has such a good memory and she talks ALL the time!  She is becoming so clear in what she is saying!  She is putting little fragmented sentences together like, "Mommy up please,""More Juice please,""More Food please,""Read a book,""Watch a movie,""Daddy's working,""Norah's awake/asleep," etc.  She repeats almost everything I say and remembers most of it, especially if I am showing her what I am saying at the same time.  The other day, before my mom left, she was playing with her mouse and mouse pad and my mom was explaining that it went on the side of the laptop table, so, since my mom was showing her how to put them on the side, she now calls a mouse and a mousepad "on the side," haha  it is too cute!

Norah is growing too, she is sooo heavy!  She hit a HUGE growth spurt!  She grew at least 3 inches in one month!  She was scooting before and a little more coordinated, but she has to re-coordinate herself now that she has grown and is a little disoriented.  She is so cute!  She is eating baby food now, and loving it!  She loves it so much that she now watches everything that goes into my mouth with such longing.  I can practically see her mouth watering for whatever I am eating.  She is very alert and is catching on to alot, and she likes to take steps when you are holding her in the standing position.  I can't get her to sit up since she straightens her body out so tightly you can barely get her to bend at the waist.  But at least she squirms and rolls a little.  But I can't wait til she is moving!  I have to say, I am not one of those parents that likes it when their kids are stationary, mainly because mine are so high maintenance that they need my complete attention when they are on the floor or they will scream until I come to them...  And sometimes they scream for a while...  it's not good for the nerves I daresay.

Alice and Norah are so cute together, they are very aware of each other and Alice loves to give Norah kisses and hugs.  She likes to spend some of Norah's tummy time with her on her blanket showing her toys and then taking them away... haha.  Norah doesn't like that part but she loves the company!  They both sleep generally well through the night, Norah gives us 10.5-11 hr nights and Alice is up to 12-13 hrs...  Although Norah gives me 2-3 naps during the day and Alice is down to one really long nap a day.

As for me....  I have started selling Usborne Books to help with the student loans, but I am not able to really kick it off til Spencer's game is done.  I am nervous about it because I am not pushy and am unsure of how much money I will actually make for the amount of time it will take away from my family.  I am starting to feel better about just giving massages from home and possibly receiving tips, since I am not allowed to charge due to the fact that I don't have a Utah massage license.  I am currently exercising regularly and can really feel the difference, I have already lost 11 pounds since the start of the year!  I feel great and my endurance levels are increasing everyday!  Spencer even notices the difference, and if you know Spencer, he doesn't always notice little details like that, so it was a huge compliment!

We all love our new house and ward, and we know we were led here!  The other day Spencer and I were talking about how when we were in Texas the only real good thing that happened for our family was that Norah was born and everything else had failure or misfortune written all over it....  When we found our house we learned that it had been vacant for quite some time, more than a year, and the job Spencer currently has was actually available from the time he graduated...  I asked Spencer, "Do you think this house and your job were waiting for us to find them?"  He replied, "Yes, actually, I do."  I felt a confirmation right then, that even though we may not have listened to our initial promptings to stay in Utah, we were still blessed in the end for having finally heeded the promptings....  now, had we heeded the promptings in the first place, maybe a few fights and a few more misunderstandings could have been avoided, but in the end, it all worked out!

We are having such a blast!!

 Fashionista!!  Trying on Tracy's boots :)

 Look at those big blue eyes!!

 Loves from Alice

Daddy with his little girls!

Mommy and Alice

 Tired from all the scooting!  Look at those eyes!

So happy!!  Such a pretty smile!