A Life Full of Learning, Failures, Successes, and a Lot of Laughs in Between!

If you had asked me my thoughts on wifehood and motherhood a few days ago I may have simply responded with uncontrollable sobs and a few words and phrases muttered in between, like "hard,""I need a break,""too much," or "tiring."

Last Friday night I reached a breaking point, I sat at the top of the stairs crying and contemplating why I had become such a bad caretaker.  As I listened to my daughter crying because she was just spanked on her leg due to her incessant need to get out of bed every ten seconds for an hour before finally giving up and going to sleep (which had been going on for a month), as I listened to my poor husband coughing and moaning with the worst sickness I have ever seen him undergo, as I thought of the mess the house had become because I simply couldn't do it all, I remembered that our Heavenly Father will never give us more trial and tribulation than we can bare.

Through our trials come great blessings.  So why can't I be cheerful while I wait for the blessings?!  Why is it that one of my weakness is to become overwhelmed with life's trials when my house is a mess?  Tuesday was my sick day, I was resting and sitting all day so I wouldn't be near as sick as the rest of my family had been, I couldn't afford to even rest that one day, let alone two or three... so rest I did.  Spencer got home that night and was trying to help me with the girls and I was bouncing one of them on my lap and tickling them...  Spencer had the other one and was just letting them sit there.  He asked, "Is this what you do all day?" I quickly responded, "What? Be lazy?"  He was surprised by that comment, "Uuh, no this isn't lazy! This is busy!" Haha, I guess keeping babies happy can be busy, but I responded again, "I feel like if I had been busy all day, I would have a clean house to show for it!" Then Spencer, as sweet as he is, said something like "A clean house should NOT measure how busy you have or haven't been."  Why can't it be that simple?!  Well, it can.

I am such a horrible wife and mother when my house is a mess and especially when the dishes are undone.  Others would argue that I am being hard on myself, or that I am grossly over-exaggerating, but my heart is not with my family when this temporal establishment could suit swine better than human beings.

So what have I learned through all of this??  Stop STRESSING!  Being a good wife and mother is not measured by how clean the house is.  No one is going to come over when you are a walking incubus of viral plague anyway, and if they do, they know what to expect!  I know when I finally realized that the condition of my house didn't have to interfere with my mood I felt less overwhelmed by the task at hand.  I know I am not going to let my house go forever, but even more so I can't let my family go in the slightest if  I am going to keep the Spirit in my home.

Growing up I remember my mom would also get short and frustrated that our house wasn't spotless, and then I became the same way.  She learned over the years to let some things go, and I must do the same.  I am way too obsessive about my house, and not enough about my family.  The Lord would not have us create a House of Order without the Spirit in it.  It would not make sense.  So then, this is my challenge, trial, and ultimately my blessing.  To look past the mess when it interferes with my family's well being, to love them, care for them, and to avoid my breaking point at all costs.

Being a a wife and a mother has taught me a great deal about prioritizing and planning ahead for unseen trials.  It has taught me how to love unconditionally, compassion, and the importance of keeping the Lord close to everything I do and say.  Had I been relying on the Lord when the stress kept piling on, my daughter wouldn't have suffered through yelling and a spanking that she didn't deserve.  She is almost two, and then she will be three and then sixteen.....  I have to be ok with this, and if I am not, I need to ask and plea with the Lord to make me be ok with it!

I am still learning, I just need to learn quickly, because apparently, much to my dismay, my family can't function without me!